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<title>You'd understand my fear of everything in sight by RedJumper</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24311425">You'd understand my fear of everything in sight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedJumper/pseuds/RedJumper'>RedJumper</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Troubled Mind [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Check Please! (Webcomic)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety, Gen, Pressure, School, Self Harm, because purposely not letting yourself go to sleep is a form of self harm, super mario reference cause why not, test anxiety well it's more more broadly school related anxiety</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:41:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>777</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24311425</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedJumper/pseuds/RedJumper</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>With a desk as his fortress, a blanket as his cape and a chewed on pen as his sword, Justin is still struggling to face his worse villain.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Troubled Mind [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1752712</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You'd understand my fear of everything in sight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Summary makes it say as if there will be fantasy/ medieval imagery , there isn't. </p><p>Characters are Ngozi's , title  is from Noah Kahan'sTroubled Mind, super Mario is Nintendo's. </p><p>Part of a series but you don't have to read the others. </p><p>WARNING: PURPOSELY MAKING YOURSELF NOT SLEEP/GET A LACK OF SLEEP ISNT HEALTHY AND CAN BE A FORM OF SELF HARM. (Which it is in this fix but not severe.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's been ten minutes since he's been under the desk. At least he's in the attic this time and not the library. </p><p>Jsutin swears he's going to suffocate under his desk. His chest feels as if it’s in a vice or he has some lung illness like pneumonia. That is minus the choking up blood and phlegm . Fuck, he would rather be choking up phlegm right now instead of gripping his knees so hard every muscle in his hand is straining from the pressure. </p><p>It's four am , practice is at seven. He knows he's  not taking in any words from his textbook anymore, knows he won't in any of his lectures later in the day. At practise  he will be slow on the draw. He’ll worry Holster even more than he currently is. Jack will be pissed and Murray will properly try to convince him to go back to the those student group therapy sessions. They won't work, they never did. </p><p>The textbook is taunting him and the empty paper where he's meant to have an essay written is joining the club. The essay isn't getting done, he'll just have to ask the professor for another extension.</p><p>He thinks he just won't go to sleep, that way Jack's comments wont hurt as much, Holster's coddling wont irritate him as much and he might even be tired enough to forget his professor's disappointment.</p><p>It's not like he doesn't regularly have weeks when he only sleeps around three hours a night. He's managed before, he'll manage again. </p><p>Forcing his fingers to untighen, Justin starts to move back out from the desk but his eyes catch on Holster's sleeping form and suddenly he's lost his breath again. </p><p>If he moves, he has to face reality. Reality where the essay he was mean to start last week hasn't been touched. A reality where said essay is due in less six hours. A reality where he will have to talk to his teacher and face her disappointment because even if he did finished his work by then, he's sleep deprived and he'll probably get a D on it. </p><p>If he moves, Holster might wake up and if Holster wakes Justin has to explain what is happening. Then for the rest of the day Holster will be too busy looking after Justin to do any of his own work and that will just further Justin's panic. He can't be the one that causes Holster to fail or miss class, just because he's incapable of having a normal brain. </p><p>He reaches his hand out from under the desk and lets it fumble around blindly in order to get his pen. He had dragged his textbook and jotter under with him earlier. He looks at the words in his textbook and the pen in his hand and decided he's going to write something. Just in a minute when his heart is thumping less and his fingers feel less numb. </p><p>He starts writing, he needs the essay done and his brain can just shut up for a minute so he can do that. His glasses keep falling down and he's getting sick of pushing them every few minutes. The heavier his head gets, the more fuzzier the words get and his handwriting is even worse than usual. The last sentence he wrote doesn't even make sense and he spelt 'biological' wrong, a word he has to fucking write every day. He wants to close his eyes but if he does that, he'll fall asleep. And sleeping means he'll have to wake up. Waking up to a reality when he doesn't have his fucking shit together isn't something Justin wants to do anytime soon. </p><p>When his eyes dry out enough, he manages to leave his sanctuary and retrieve his DS. It's not going to let his eyes improve - it will probably damage them more but he needs to stay awake. Super Mario World is the best thing at keeping him awake. He's nearly completed World 7 and by the time Holster wakes up, he going to have finished it. See, a challenge will keep him awake. His mind will be on Mario and beating Holster instead of essays about enzymes. Collecting coins instead of passing pucks. His breath quickens. Saving Peach instead of failing college. Chest tightens. Getting the secret red levels instead of disappointing his parents. And he drops the DS and climbs back under the desk, this time dragging a blanket behind him. </p><p>An hour later at six am that's where Holster finds him, slumped over with his knees curled up, his arm twisted in between them and the blanket falling down from his shoulders.</p>
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